Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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