just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
