Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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