if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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