I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize