But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
