She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
