my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
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