I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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