A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
