you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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