What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
