I'm jealous of your bromance
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
