My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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