Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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