I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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