I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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