I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
