What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize