there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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