Please, let me fuck your mom
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
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