why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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