You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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