Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
