Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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