SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
