If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I need to calm my uterus...
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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