Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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