i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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