So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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