im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
