Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
