I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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