If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Randomize
