Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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