theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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