i need an iv and a liver transplant
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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