the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
