just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
