I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
