What a fucking waste of an outfit
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
