Why are handjobs necessary in class?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
