Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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