It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
We're using joints as your birthday candles
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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