I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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