From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
