A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
My life is pants optional.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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