my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
