I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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