Pants 0. Shit 1.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
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