fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
