he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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