The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
