Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I feel like a drive thru vagina
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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