i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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