1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Randomize
