I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
