He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
