He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
i out mim tonsoeep
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