The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
