before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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