True but thats because hes a fetus.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
