so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
OPIZZABONMYDICK
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
