i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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