I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
