Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
