do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
