I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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