I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize