Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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